OPEN LETTERS

An Open Letter to the Leaf Blower

Ditch the allergen-blowing machine

Photo by Callum Hill on Pixabay

Dear Leaf Blower,

You don’t talk very much or wave hello. Instead, you focus on your job, which, in most cases, isn’t a bad thing. But in this case, it is— because your blasted, screaming machine annoys the hell out of me!

Yes, your leaf blower is deafening, but the noise isn’t the main problem, although it could cause permanent hearing loss, keep insomniacs awake, and scare the hell out of dogs. I could live with that. It’s more what happens when you blow the leaves, dust, and other environmental contaminants into the air that pisses me off.

And what’s worse, you probably work for a demanding landscaper who pays you very little money and treats you like an indentured servant.

You see, I have terrible allergies and COPD, which means, in layman’s terms — fucked-up lungs. So when you blow clouds of pollen, herbicides, pesticides, dried animal poop, dust, asbestos, and demolition debris into the air, my feeble respiratory system can’t tolerate it. I start coughing and choking like I’m going to die. That’s why I must get allergy shots each week for pollen, mold, grass, mildew, dust, and other…