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SUPER PRAYING
Genuflecting for Touchdown Mary
Please come through for the birds
I’m desperate. It’s almost Super Bowl Sunday, and I’ve tried everything — wearing my hat backward, holding a rally monkey, singing the Eagles fight song every five minutes, and staying in the basement like that guy in the beer commercial to prevent giving my team bad luck.
If the University of Notre Dame prays to Touchdown Jesus before every football game, I can pray to Touchdown Mary for the Eagles. Besides, Touchdown Mary is more pleasant, doesn’t hang from a cross, and has no holes in her hands.
I’m not Catholic, but willing to convert if Mother Mary provides her magic for the Eagles. I’ve been around many Catholics and know what being one is like. My former landlady used to take me to Catholic mass, and I even took the host in my mouth. I almost choked on it before washing it down with the blood of Christ.
I enjoy their services. It is very structured, and singing hymns and hearing the rosary is meditative. I like the part where the priest waves the burnt incense in a thurible during mass. And my wife is Catholic and believes Mother Mary can do anything — she’s one of the more dependable holy women around.
I’m not asking for much. I only want the Holy Mother…
