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NARROW-MINDED HUMOR
My Dad’s Ten Rules for Life
Thou shalt follow them until you die
When I was old enough, my father sat me on his knee, spit out a cheek full of chewing tobacco, and said, “I’m going to tell you how the world works.”
“Okay, Dad. I’m all ears.”
I was six then and thought my father was a deity, mainly because he talked like the Wizard of Oz and had a huge bulbous head.
“Here’s the way life works, son. First, you need to have a set of rules. Then, you must follow them religiously. These rules will keep you on the right track; if you change or modify any of them, you’ll crash and burn.
He scared the hell out of me, so I listened to God — er, I mean, my Dad.
#1: Buy the cheaper jeans. Jeans are made from denim. All jeans are denim, so all jeans are the same. Therefore, buy a pair of loose-fitting Wranglers because they’re cheaper than Levis. Cowboys wear Wranglers, and dirty hippies wear Levi’s.
#2: God and Country. There are two things you must worship — God of the cross and the military of the gun. All the great people love them, including the Masons and Shriners. First, salute the flag and then bow down and pray. Your priest is like your Army sergeant — whatever he says goes. And if you have to…
