TOOTHLESS SATIRE

Texas Rednecks Modifying the Ten Commandments

To display in the classrooms and inside gas station restrooms, God willing

Redneck Special. Photo by PoseMuse on Pixabay

This is big news for those who believe in God and Country. Texas plans to put the Ten Commandments back into the classroom, and there’s a rumor that the Beef State might modify them. Some backwoods conservatives figure it’s been at least fifteen years since the Ten Commandments were published and needed to be updated with a right-wing Longhorn slant. There’s no final word yet on when this will happen, but I can only hypothesize the final revisions.

1. “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” has been changed to
   Thou shalt not use windshield wipers without a windshield.
2. “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image” has been changed to
   Thou shalt not feather dust in public without first acknowledging a supreme being.
3. “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain” has been changed to Thou Shalt not take Limburger cheese in vain or sell it to a pole-dancing crossdresser.
4. “Remember the sabbath day to keep it holy” changed to Remember not to bring your horse into a church if it has an obnoxious odor.
5. “Honor thy father and thy mother” changed to Honor thy…