PARODY | SATIRE
The Extremely Polite Rejection Letter
Perhaps a little too nice
Dear Esteemed Writer,
Thank you for trusting The Lame Lompoc Review with your fantastic work of fiction, The Psychopathic Hairdresser. It was a joy to read and a marvelous romp through the cuttings and clippings of barbering. Even though we rejected the story, we couldn't put it down. We at LLR love hairdressers and have a soft spot for psychopaths, and your charismatic character, Phillipe Peckerwood, with his crisp and bloody golden shears, was the cream of the crop.
Peckerwood's wicked love interest, Steelie Cherry, stole the show, however. She was the most compelling stylist the literary world has ever seen. She had a penchant for perms during the day and serial killing by night. All our editors raved about her use of the hot curling iron during her murders. Although we didn't accept your story for publication, it reached the fourth round. We had over seventy thousand submissions, and we received only a handful that were readable, and yours was one of them, so I wouldn't feel bad or throw yourself off a bridge. There are hundreds of literary rags out there who would be more than willing to take a chance on The Psychopathic Hairdresser.
