Member-only story
IRREVERENT HUMOR
The God Club For Men
And the day George Burns came to my house
I remember you came to my room one night while clipping my toenails and asked, "How would you like to join my club?"
I laid down my nail clippers and put on some pants since I like to trim my nails naked.
“What kind of things do you do in your God Club?” I asked.
"Lots of stuff," said God in his best George Burns imitation.
I thought God would look more like Charlton Heston than George Burns. He could have been Burns's doppelganger. He smoked a cigar, wore a hairpiece, and was shorter than I expected.
"What kind of stuff?" I asked.
"We go to church and sing hymns. The preacher gives sermons about me. We offer Saturday morning breakfast after Bible Study, consisting of runny eggs and greasy bacon. On Tuesdays, we have Bingo for seniors and outdoor socials for hard-to-date and homely singles. Occasionally, we have missionary trips to hand out bibles to countries that don't know any better. And at Christmas, we get wild—we each dress up like a Charles Dickens character in Scrooge and sing Christmas carols late at night."
